EDICT FIVE:
"Song"

I'D LIKE TO TEACH THE WORLD TO SING. IN PERFECT HARMONY.

No, really.

EVERY HUMAN will be encouraged to SING from a VERY YOUNG AGE. There is NO SUCH THING as a BAD VOICE, just an UNTRAINED one. Under my UTOPIAN REGIME, it will not be UNUSUAL for entire neighbourhoods to burst into GIANT SONG AND DANCE NUMBERS like in most MUSICALS. Imagine walking down the street and HUMMING and having the guy MOWING HIS LAWN pick up the HARMONY. Then some KIDS start throwing in some HIGHLIGHTS. Before you know it, THE WHOLE STREET is blasting out BITCHIN' RENDITION of "TUXEDO JUNCTION."

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.

EDICT FOUR:
"Pants"

FOOLS! It has been FOUR DAYS and you have not yet BOWED to my TITANIC IDEA-SPAWNING BRAIN! What will it take to CONVINCE you? MORE EDICTS? FINE!

PANTS WILL NEVER BE MANDATORY! Under my regime, ALL OF HUMANITY will be subjected to an EDUCATIONAL CAMPAIGN to eliminate their PANTS-CENTRIC GENDER BIAS. Men will be allowed to wear DRESSES, SKIRTS, SARONGS and whatever else strikes their fancy. SHORTS ARE ALWAYS AN OPTION. NO DRESS CODE will EVER require that PANTS be worn.

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.

EDICT THREE:
"Tax breaks."

Under my rule, there will be ADDITIONAL INCOME TAX REDUCTIONS for having taken accredited courses in FIRST AID and SELF DEFENSE. Every citizen should know basic first aid and have an orange belt in the martial art of their choice.
Additional tax credits will be given for CHARITY WORK. Any work done for a REGISTERED CHARITY will be credited at the AVERAGE HOURLY WAGE for the country in question's residents and DEDUCTED from their TOTAL WAGES for the YEAR.

If your NET WORTH is over $3,000,000, you will be taxed based on GLOBAL NET WORTH. No tax dodges any more, fat boy!

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.

EDICT TWO:
"Buffet Signage."

In my munificence, I decree that ALL BUFFET RESTAURANTS must have two EIGHT-FOOT PINK NEON SIGNS, one outside and one over the buffet, both reading simply "BUFFET." No other text will be permitted. The outdoor "BUFFET" sign must be sufficiently powered to be VISIBLE FROM SPACE IN FULL SUNLIGHT.
All buffet restaurants will therefore be visible from EIGHT TO TEN KILOMETRES AWAY, easily identified as a pink glowing haze in the sky. ONLY BUFFETS will be allowed to use PINK NEON as an identifier.
Cities across the world will no longer be judged as "world-class" based on their history, culture, or facilities. There will be a new criteria: PINK GLOW FACTOR, or PGF. The more buffets a city has, the higher its PGF rating. The city with the highest PGF will be deemed THE BEST CITY IN THE WORLD and will become EARTH'S CAPITAL CITY.

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.

EDICT ONE: JUNE 18, 2002
"The ME Lane."

Most people who drive cars should NOT BE ALLOWED TO. They are STUPID DROOLERS who are BARELY FIT to BRUSH THEIR TEETH, let alone DRIVE.
Under MY rule, there will be a THIRD lane added to all roads and highways.
The ME lane.
A lane for ME, because I KNOW I can drive. Let the peons SWERVE DRUNKENLY in their UGLY PROLETARIAT lanes. The ME lane shall be a lane in which I can drive WITHOUT FEAR. The ME lane will also be accessible to certain friends, neighours, relatives, and people that I KNOW can drive.
You will LOVE the ME LANE. And if you are GOOD and DRIVE WELL, you may one day be given permission to USE it.
I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.